Make Way For the Mallu Brigade

I heard the term Fraud Mallu for the first time in Bangalore during my 6 month long tenure in Dell

Official definition: A hip and happening group of the “yo” clan who has set their foot outside the Kerala border and has the lethal ability to murder the mallu mother tongue.

My Definition: A bunch of loosers who find great pleasure in masquerading around as if he/she has just been imported from the West and who has this pre notched up notion that every sentence in the English language has to start with Yo .

Yo wazzup dude? Yo am hungry! Yo what time is it ?


I say it’s pathetic; malayalees of all people have this big problem in

I ve seen it happen ; in the 6 months that I was in Bangalore I ve seen mallu guys who would go to any extend to prove that they are not a Mallu or at least to establish that they are a Fraud Mallu.

For a lot of the mallu youths of today am talking exclusively about the Yo clan .there are 3 types of people

The hip n happening – All people (tamilians ,kannadigas,telugites,assamese, ,the brits, Americans ,the Eskimo , the pygmies) basically am talking bout all other tribes other than a malayalee .

The fraud mallu – this is the guy who takes great pain in mugging all the latest slang’s, the latest Hollywood movies and the guy who feels that it’s ok if they don’t know who Manmohan Singh is but to not know who Freddie Mercury is ; or to not know Slash would be a crime against humanity.

The asli mallu – Well for the ‘ Yo’ clan this is the lowest form of life ; well they club the asli mallu with rich and traditional forms of lives like bacteria or amoeba ….



Yup I am not kidding; the other day I was checking out the Fraud Mallu community in Orkut ; close to a 1700 morons have already joined the club. I was just browsing through their networks and I could find more than half a dozen familiar faces; with whom I grew up with. Ya ‘Fraud Mallu’ my ….. Oops almost lost it there.

The new age malayali kid is a chameleon you know . The good old malayali kid who thought Gucci was a kind of side dish that u had with porotha or thought that Louie Vuitton was the capital of Italy is transformed into this completely metrosexual guy that shops only at Hugo boss or wears nothing less than a Ck. All of a sudden the guy who used to have a sumptuous meal spelt out as 3 porothas and free chaar (gravy)at Kuttapan chetans thattukada will not have anything less than a Mc Donalds burger or a Mc grill sandwich.


Well I think for people like these the word Jackass suits them better than chameleon (my heart felt condolences to Jackass; sorry … but I had to compare the ‘yo’ clan to something…….!). I guess it’s pathetic as to how people tend to forget their roots so quickly . Well believe me there’s absolutely no problem with people changing with times; but forgetting where they came from is sad. And that is something I find with malayalees.not all of them ; there’s of course a vast majority of guys like me who would always be a mallu .

I hate people who try to show an attitude; believe me you morons ; theres no point trying to live your life masquerading as someone else. If you want people to respect you don’t behave like circus freaks. See culture is something that is imbibed into us . You could be wearing a Ralph Lauren shirt or a Gucci but we’ll always be who we are.

So face upto it guys either you are a Malayalee or not .Why bother with the Fraud mallu tag. Well we have a population of 33 Million proud Malayalees with backbones so at the moment we are not exactly looking for ‘Fraud Mallus’ per se .

So rest assured the ‘Yo Clan’ can now switch on M Tv or VH1 abd start mugging up the lyrics of the latest Pussycat dolls song. And maybe a small suggestion ; try changing the name to “Duffer mallus” well suits you guys more than the “Fraud mallu” tag nwayzzzzz…

In The Name Of Love

The most fascinating thing about women is that you never tend to understand them .A womens mind is like an unfathomable abyss. It is just not possible to reach its bottom. Right from the time of the first prototype ----EVE --- the theory holds true. Women are like pot or marijuana ; you are bound to get addicted ……So one has to learn how to get along and enjoy the ride .But it’s no merry go round ; the ride’s more like a rollercoaster-bumpy and rough. Well I don’t mean to objectify women or tag them are clones or anything through this blog but it’s really hard to make a woman completely happy ; it’s as hard as building a space station or creating nuclear fusion----it’s all possible in theory but when it comes to real life you’ll be left with your mouth wide open and an empty pocket. Well I do feel am too young to comment on a topic like this .But what the heck I am bored and well I did survive this wily old world for 24 long years right . So here are a few pointers to all those poor wily old souls who have fallen for one of em




1) ----> The Art Of Lying

There’s a Sanskrit saying which says Satyam Vadha ,Asatyam Na Vadha , Appriyam Satyam Na VAdha ; which means always say the truth , never say lies ; but most important of all never say unpleasant truths. Well I hear that in a relationship one should be open like a book but hey don’t all the books have pages that are stuck together;. Well there are instances when you have to lie

Let’ see ‘

You are going out .
Wife : Honey do I look ok ?
Hus : (don’t even look; just say) --à God you look fabulous .

The girl comes home after shopping

Wife : Honey do you think I spent too much on this dress
Hus : (Forget the bill dude ; c mon you can worry about it when your credit card bill comes ; after all it’s not all that tough to get personal loans these days ; so just blurt out )
--à Gosh absolutely no dear .Infact I feel that that was quite a buy.

2) -----> The Art Of Staying Awake

Yup of course I mean it .You know girls have this tendancy to go on and on about things that we don’t even care out. And it‘s not long before that the girl realizes that you have been sitting there sleeping with your eyes open. So guys that’s where you need to wake up youself once in a while ‘ just to catch hold of the “ Keywords” .Beleive me that should do ; so that even if you get caught you will have a lifeline .


eg:

Between yet another conversation

Girl: God! are you even listening to me ?
Guy: Oh sure ; I am honey

Girl: Oh ya then what the hell was I talking bout
Guy : ahem ahem ya about that girl Simone in your office .
Girl : Ya ok then

Gist : Keywords – Simone and office


3) ------->Handling The Silent Treatment

One thing I’ve always noticed about girls is the way they use the biggest weapon in their hold -- -Silence. When a girls decides to play it mum guys beware ; it’s just the lull before the storm or should I say Tornado. Infact just the other day I was talking bout this with some of my friends and hell ya even the girls seemed to agree. It’s like the Da Vinci code – kinda impossible to crack .Remember

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. ~Arnold Haultain


Well boys will be boys and if we get mad I guess we let the whole world get a piece of our mind.

4) ------> Eves don’t forget


Well dudes when it comes to life a woman is like a Berewolf Cluster/NVRAM– unlimited memory , and that too a non volatile one >So never ever mess with a woman’s feelings. Because all the maska and chaska won’t get you out of this. The truth about women is that they never forget. You mess with their feelings once and man you are dead meat.





5) ------> The art of maska chaska

Always a thing to remember; when in love carry a whole carton of butter in your pocket and when needed apply judiciously. It’s the ultimate cure for all ailments of a girls heart.
You master the art and you are god.It’s part of the whole deal guys .why else do you think all those poor husbands refer to their “loving” wives as their “Better Half”.




Well I’ve got to stop for I have already incurred the wrath of a multitude of good hearted maidens.

PS: I do not endorse any of the views put forward by the author of this article because women are the embodiment of love and care. Coz as they say

Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.

[ hey guys look at me using rules 5 and 1 ; well you get the picture right ?