Wonder Years

Oh my god l just realized how long it has been since I last blogged when I visited Shanim’s blog yesterday. I still remember how I convinced myself to buy my lappie almost a year back. Among a multitude of cooked up reasons one was “I would be able to blog day in and day out’. And the best part of the whole deal is that I bought the lappie; even the 1 yr old warranty on it has worn out and still haven’t blogged yet.

So what’s been hogging my time all this while .Well I’ve got a reason now I guess ; I ;am a married man you know .It’s not like I have the whole day to vile away .

And to top it all off I just did not have a descent topic to blog about and that’s when I went home for the Easter break and chanced to pass my school .Well my school days were the sweetest and most memorable days of my life .My 12 years in school was an absolute joy ride .Looking back those were really fun days. I still remember all those cranky things that we used to do .All the classes had their gangs and each gang had a leader. It was more like a page from Godfather the only difference was that none of us belonged to the Corleoni family and we weren’t from Sicily but the zest and the fire that we had within these groups were pretty much the same.
I believe growing up in the late 1980 and early 1990’s we were a lot more innocent than the kids of today . So innocent that I was wary of changing my dress when the TV was on lest they get an eyeful of me. Well we didn’t have cable T.V Until I was in my 6th grade .So till then Doordarshan was our MTV,VH1, AXN and HBO combined. The highlight of the week would be Chitrahaar that used to air on Friday nights (not sure ).Our lives pretty much used to come to a standstill on Friday nights. And just when you manage to outrun everybody else in the family to catch a front row seat in front of the TV; DD taunts you with that rainbow colored screen and a ‘rukavat key liye khed hai’ message. OMG I used have nightmares of that screen in my sleep.
And then when I was in my 6th grade we got cable TV .It was barely 4-5 channels .Back then 24 hrs of scheduled programming was quite un thinkable .Rupert Murdoch was Santa Clause for all of us. Star Sports was Prime Sports back then; and they used to show bull fights day in and day out. It looked as if they forgot to remove the damn tape . Back in the days ; sports was huge and growing up in Bhavans sports just meant one thing for all of us ---- Basketball .Well thanks to Mr Michael Jordan we all believed that men could infact fly.


Things started happening. More channels were added and the shows started becoming interesting as well. Star plus started to air The Wonder Years .Wow I used to love watching it on T.V.I would run home every day from school to catch a glimpse of Mr Kevin Arnold. Then Star Trek and X Files came in to the fray and boy they rocked my world. Watching Mr Spock and Foxmoulder was the high point in life. Back in school everybody wanted to be Mr Spock. So much so that we would go around fisting the Vulcan greeting at everyone around and to this day my yahoo id is foxmoulder.

But those times were swell coz we had that zest to go after life with an undying fervor. You know what I actually wanted to be ; an archaeologist .I had these little notebooks which were filled with my notes on dinosaurs and raptors and what not and that’s why when Jurassic Park came out it was as if my wildest fantasy had come alive. Then when I realized that you could earn twice that money sitting in a cozy chair in an air conditioned office without having to dirty yourselves I decided to become an Engineer. Been 5 years and I still don’t have any complaints. Those were such simpler times. more than ever I guess all of us had the gift of time . These days I get a feeling that more often than none we tend to run through our lives. No more time to savor the delights that life has to offer. When was the last time you stuffed your mouth with mulberries and wagged your purple tongues at each other or sat out in the corridor watching the rains pour down with a handful of peanuts stuffed into your shirt pockets?

To me with love

Right so it finally takes Valentines Day to bring me out of the dark. To break the shackles and to come out with a new blog . Well I guess it time to paint the streets red coz the dwarf with the arrow is all set to visit us .That arrow is smartly aimed at each and every other guys wallet so get set to rock n roll and to loosen your purse strings.

Well every year we hear such a lotta hue and cry bout how Valentines Day is the mastermind of the Hallmarks guys. Conspiracy theory has it that Hallmark is set out to conquer the world by un leashing a plethora of cards for each occasion .Oh for the lords sake cut it out guys .I guess it just doesn’t hurt as much to hold back and tell the person you love that he/she means the world to you .

Valentines Day is not just for lovers ; get a card for ur mom; your pop ; your fav teacher ; your fav colleague; or yes in an idealistic scenario your favorite girl friend too or even better get a card for yourselves .Ya you heard it right get a card for yourselves man ; we are driving ourselves crazy ; we toil hard ( non IT people ) ok for the IT guys ( we sleep and we sleep and we sleep in the office) and earn our daily bread but for what ya to starve ourselves to death I guess . No high carb diet ; maybe I ll have a no sugar no fat ice-cream ; ya right ice cream and no sugar no fat ; hey y call it ice cream then ; call it “cold goo in a box” .

You see in my own utopian world things would be so different ;I dream of the day when people would say Oh I haven’t had my dose of junk food today ; I don’t wanna get sick you know ; or you go to the docs place and see a poster up there ; add 2 spoon full of Hershey’s choco syrup to your milk everyday .I guess if the lord had put just put one forbidden fruit in the Garden Of Eden ; our world today is filled with forbidden fruits.

We pull ourselves outta bed every morning to do asanas and aerobics and what not. Well as teens we all used to watch those early morning workout shows to watch all those cute chicks twist and turl and now u try to break your back trying to do that to yourselves. So this year round I’m my own sweet Valentine ………..

Isn’t that a brilliant idea guys ; so from now on u don’t have to rattle your brain wondering what gift to buy or where to eat or what to wear .Ya people things are just about to get wild this year .

See I ve accomplished two things with this blog; I ve professed the idea of loving your self and I ve supposedly broken my blogger’s block .So its all cheers for me …….

A Lesson For Life

“10 rupees for 10 guavas; 10 rupees for 10 guavas “………….. Squeaked three little boys running alongside our car. They held a small packet of freshly plucked guavas and the boys were virtually poking their heads inside the car to make a sale ………. .

I was sitting in the back seat of my car half asleep under a pile of sweaters and jackets which I was using to batter the Saturday eve mist of Munnar. Jostled from my sleep I could see my mom making the purchase from one of the boys. As the car was taking a stiff turn the other two boys kept on running and my mom was in a fix trying to explain that she didn’t want more. As the car picked up speed slowly I heard one of the boys ask “Mam do you have a pen; a pen he was virtually yelling!!”

The car finally moved on and I was fully awake now .We moved on for half a km and I was still thinking as to why the boy wanted a pen in the middle of nowhere and then it hit me …………… The kids were out there selling guavas they had plucked from the forest to buy a set of pen for their school. Maybe because I was raised on the parable of the Good Samaritan all through out my life that I ve always tried my best to be one ; or that being a boy scout in school; that age old scout ritual of …. ‘One good deed a day ‘ has still stuck on after all these years i asked the driver to stop and I got out to see if I could go back to give them some money to buy the pen but they were not to be seen . Tears welled up in my eyes all of a sudden ……………….there I was sitting behind my car enjoying the niceties of life and there outside were a couple of kids running around on a Saturday to gather whatever they could to buy a pen ……..of all things .

I got inside the car and I just sunk into my seat …………….. and the first thing that came pouring into my mind was this

One of my fav quotes ever

I cried because I don't have a shoe until I saw a man without feet.

It’s so true we all cry and whine about our sneakers and clothes and wat not

Oh these shoes suck ……………. I wish I had a Gaitonde

Oh boy I wonder who stitched this dress.

Oh the coffee aint hot enuf .

The service at that hotel stinks..

I hate the café food they serve ……………

See we whine and we whine and we whine .The lives we all lead can be summed up in a sentence

Gimme a million dollars ………….. Well u cant make me happy but can make me a millionare .

Well I guess that’s the blatant truth --- eternal happiness comes when we learn to open our eyes and look around and take a count of the innumerable feetless people crawling around us. It’s just that we all carry our own loads; only when we try to lift other people loads that we realize that god has given us only what we can carry. Let’s face it ; life might be a tough journey but it’s up to us to face up to it .I guess in the long run we’ll realize for sure that the “ Juice Is Worth The Squeeze”

Make Way For the Mallu Brigade

I heard the term Fraud Mallu for the first time in Bangalore during my 6 month long tenure in Dell

Official definition: A hip and happening group of the “yo” clan who has set their foot outside the Kerala border and has the lethal ability to murder the mallu mother tongue.

My Definition: A bunch of loosers who find great pleasure in masquerading around as if he/she has just been imported from the West and who has this pre notched up notion that every sentence in the English language has to start with Yo .

Yo wazzup dude? Yo am hungry! Yo what time is it ?


I say it’s pathetic; malayalees of all people have this big problem in

I ve seen it happen ; in the 6 months that I was in Bangalore I ve seen mallu guys who would go to any extend to prove that they are not a Mallu or at least to establish that they are a Fraud Mallu.

For a lot of the mallu youths of today am talking exclusively about the Yo clan .there are 3 types of people

The hip n happening – All people (tamilians ,kannadigas,telugites,assamese, ,the brits, Americans ,the Eskimo , the pygmies) basically am talking bout all other tribes other than a malayalee .

The fraud mallu – this is the guy who takes great pain in mugging all the latest slang’s, the latest Hollywood movies and the guy who feels that it’s ok if they don’t know who Manmohan Singh is but to not know who Freddie Mercury is ; or to not know Slash would be a crime against humanity.

The asli mallu – Well for the ‘ Yo’ clan this is the lowest form of life ; well they club the asli mallu with rich and traditional forms of lives like bacteria or amoeba ….



Yup I am not kidding; the other day I was checking out the Fraud Mallu community in Orkut ; close to a 1700 morons have already joined the club. I was just browsing through their networks and I could find more than half a dozen familiar faces; with whom I grew up with. Ya ‘Fraud Mallu’ my ….. Oops almost lost it there.

The new age malayali kid is a chameleon you know . The good old malayali kid who thought Gucci was a kind of side dish that u had with porotha or thought that Louie Vuitton was the capital of Italy is transformed into this completely metrosexual guy that shops only at Hugo boss or wears nothing less than a Ck. All of a sudden the guy who used to have a sumptuous meal spelt out as 3 porothas and free chaar (gravy)at Kuttapan chetans thattukada will not have anything less than a Mc Donalds burger or a Mc grill sandwich.


Well I think for people like these the word Jackass suits them better than chameleon (my heart felt condolences to Jackass; sorry … but I had to compare the ‘yo’ clan to something…….!). I guess it’s pathetic as to how people tend to forget their roots so quickly . Well believe me there’s absolutely no problem with people changing with times; but forgetting where they came from is sad. And that is something I find with malayalees.not all of them ; there’s of course a vast majority of guys like me who would always be a mallu .

I hate people who try to show an attitude; believe me you morons ; theres no point trying to live your life masquerading as someone else. If you want people to respect you don’t behave like circus freaks. See culture is something that is imbibed into us . You could be wearing a Ralph Lauren shirt or a Gucci but we’ll always be who we are.

So face upto it guys either you are a Malayalee or not .Why bother with the Fraud mallu tag. Well we have a population of 33 Million proud Malayalees with backbones so at the moment we are not exactly looking for ‘Fraud Mallus’ per se .

So rest assured the ‘Yo Clan’ can now switch on M Tv or VH1 abd start mugging up the lyrics of the latest Pussycat dolls song. And maybe a small suggestion ; try changing the name to “Duffer mallus” well suits you guys more than the “Fraud mallu” tag nwayzzzzz…

In The Name Of Love

The most fascinating thing about women is that you never tend to understand them .A womens mind is like an unfathomable abyss. It is just not possible to reach its bottom. Right from the time of the first prototype ----EVE --- the theory holds true. Women are like pot or marijuana ; you are bound to get addicted ……So one has to learn how to get along and enjoy the ride .But it’s no merry go round ; the ride’s more like a rollercoaster-bumpy and rough. Well I don’t mean to objectify women or tag them are clones or anything through this blog but it’s really hard to make a woman completely happy ; it’s as hard as building a space station or creating nuclear fusion----it’s all possible in theory but when it comes to real life you’ll be left with your mouth wide open and an empty pocket. Well I do feel am too young to comment on a topic like this .But what the heck I am bored and well I did survive this wily old world for 24 long years right . So here are a few pointers to all those poor wily old souls who have fallen for one of em




1) ----> The Art Of Lying

There’s a Sanskrit saying which says Satyam Vadha ,Asatyam Na Vadha , Appriyam Satyam Na VAdha ; which means always say the truth , never say lies ; but most important of all never say unpleasant truths. Well I hear that in a relationship one should be open like a book but hey don’t all the books have pages that are stuck together;. Well there are instances when you have to lie

Let’ see ‘

You are going out .
Wife : Honey do I look ok ?
Hus : (don’t even look; just say) --à God you look fabulous .

The girl comes home after shopping

Wife : Honey do you think I spent too much on this dress
Hus : (Forget the bill dude ; c mon you can worry about it when your credit card bill comes ; after all it’s not all that tough to get personal loans these days ; so just blurt out )
--à Gosh absolutely no dear .Infact I feel that that was quite a buy.

2) -----> The Art Of Staying Awake

Yup of course I mean it .You know girls have this tendancy to go on and on about things that we don’t even care out. And it‘s not long before that the girl realizes that you have been sitting there sleeping with your eyes open. So guys that’s where you need to wake up youself once in a while ‘ just to catch hold of the “ Keywords” .Beleive me that should do ; so that even if you get caught you will have a lifeline .


eg:

Between yet another conversation

Girl: God! are you even listening to me ?
Guy: Oh sure ; I am honey

Girl: Oh ya then what the hell was I talking bout
Guy : ahem ahem ya about that girl Simone in your office .
Girl : Ya ok then

Gist : Keywords – Simone and office


3) ------->Handling The Silent Treatment

One thing I’ve always noticed about girls is the way they use the biggest weapon in their hold -- -Silence. When a girls decides to play it mum guys beware ; it’s just the lull before the storm or should I say Tornado. Infact just the other day I was talking bout this with some of my friends and hell ya even the girls seemed to agree. It’s like the Da Vinci code – kinda impossible to crack .Remember

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. ~Arnold Haultain


Well boys will be boys and if we get mad I guess we let the whole world get a piece of our mind.

4) ------> Eves don’t forget


Well dudes when it comes to life a woman is like a Berewolf Cluster/NVRAM– unlimited memory , and that too a non volatile one >So never ever mess with a woman’s feelings. Because all the maska and chaska won’t get you out of this. The truth about women is that they never forget. You mess with their feelings once and man you are dead meat.





5) ------> The art of maska chaska

Always a thing to remember; when in love carry a whole carton of butter in your pocket and when needed apply judiciously. It’s the ultimate cure for all ailments of a girls heart.
You master the art and you are god.It’s part of the whole deal guys .why else do you think all those poor husbands refer to their “loving” wives as their “Better Half”.




Well I’ve got to stop for I have already incurred the wrath of a multitude of good hearted maidens.

PS: I do not endorse any of the views put forward by the author of this article because women are the embodiment of love and care. Coz as they say

Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.

[ hey guys look at me using rules 5 and 1 ; well you get the picture right ?

All About Nothing

As usual its quite late into the night and am bored to the core. You know am turning into some kinda nocturnal creature who just can’t seem to sleep until the rooster crows. Well it suits me well I guess. It really seems I am giving Sandman a run for his money. Speaking of Sandman takes me back to a time back in my school days when our band used to belt out Metallica’s Enter Sandman. Oooh it still gives me Goosebumps. Still remember performing it on stage with the girls shouting out for an encore .Those were the days when I was the Lars Ulrich of our school.


Still remember how all the girls used to call me SHADES; you know the drummer from The Wonders .The movie had just been released and the song “That Thing You DO “was a runaway hit . Boy could I play the drums for that song or what .I still remember playing that bit with the Floor Toms of my drums ; although it took me a coupla months to learn how to get the same sound …

Well I almost forgot; all of ya must be asking to yourself what the title has got to do with this post. Well its right on .This post is about nothing .I’ am bored and have been rattling my brain for a while now to write something down and believe me I’ am out of any ideas .Still guys gimme a break will ya ; I made it to my third Para yapping about virtually nothing . None of us actually don’t even spare a thought about nothing. You just don’t find articles on nothing or books or journals being written about it . I bet all of us thinks bout it all the time . I bet no one can ever say no to this . Lemme paint a picture for u and lets see if it rings a bell.....

Guys, do u remember taking your girl out for lunch or a coffee and you are staring at the pretty chick sitting at the next table and your gal asks u “ Hey honey watchya lookin at ?
And pronto u’ll say : “ oh nothing dear “

Or to throw in another instance you are sitting with your girl and she’s goin on and on about how she spent the day or what she shopped for or about how her friend and her boyfriend got into a fight and u kinda doze off with ur eyes open re running the movie “ Die Hard With A Vengeance “ in ur head and all of a sudden she asks u “ hey sweetheart ; watchya thinking bout “ and u bounce back with “ oh nuthin baby ; was just thinking bout us “

Well “NOTHING” to the rescue again . If you still don’t respect my tribute to “ NOTHING “ .Lemme just tell u guys one more thing …..

We came into this world with NOTHING and we leave taking NOTHING . Now that’s what I call an eternal relationship ……………….